so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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