she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
