I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
