And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
