Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
