If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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