I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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