oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
