If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
her facebook's as public as her vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
