tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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