just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
