worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize