i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
