Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
