I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
