Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
