Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
