He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize