I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
