Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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