also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
