Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
