I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
