how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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