first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
