dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize