Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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