Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
