Little spoons don't ask big questions
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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