Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
