the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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