I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
