chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize