Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize