Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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