ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
