Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
