I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm at about main and main street
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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