i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
