what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
