Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
