I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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