Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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