The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
