i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
