Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
