I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
