I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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