I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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