my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
