My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
