The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
