Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
