Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
