Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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