Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
40s are totally the cure
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
