So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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