Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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