I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
