I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
