she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
