A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
