Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
