i think i have herpe
just one?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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