In the future we'll all be gay
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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