i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
