I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
