Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
