I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
