did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
