I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There are leaves in my underwear?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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