Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
