I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
