I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
