piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
