I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
