is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
