so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
this hospital has no fireball
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
