Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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