tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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