I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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