The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
