Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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