well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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