WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
