I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
