when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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