just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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