I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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